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For Grief

Kathy Flaminio and her father David Gradwohl

This post was inspired by Kathie Wallin, who made the following comment in response to the Inner Wisdom blog on March 10th.
 
I am grieving the death of my father 1 year ago yesterday and the death of another relative, recently from Covid 19. Specific posts on grieving would be appreciated.

The timing of Kathie’s post was quite profound, since it was exactly seven hours before my own father died unexpectedly, later that day.

Since my dad’s passing, I’ve been setting the intention during my BREATHE-MOVE-REST practices to be fully present (body, mind, and heart) to all my emotions and to pay special attention to what brings me comfort in my father’s absence.

Every morning I place my cross hands over my heart and breathe in slowly through my nose, then exhale slowly with an “ssss” breath (to move from grief to hope). I do this several times and then come into stillness as I place one hand on my forehead and the other hand on the top of my head to let my brain and body know that I am safe in this moment.
 
I’m noticing that I continue to be comforted when I’m with my Inner Resources and have appreciated their wishes, especially lately from Inner Resources LOVE and eXPERIENCE:
·      May you remember how well you love.
·      May you remember how loved you are.
·      May you be fed by the memories that support your well-being.

 
I am also comforted by the words of John O’Donohue in the following poem and share it now, hoping it will reach many who are also grieving the loss of someone they loved.
 
FOR GRIEF
 
When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you

When the silence of absence deepens.
Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid or undone.
There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.
It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
 
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.
Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.

If you would like, we would love for you to share with the MoveMindfully community what words, poems, movement and/or breath practices help you navigate grief.

3 thoughts on “For Grief”

  1. Thanks Kathy,
    I read your post weekly. I’m working with a woman who lost her husband a year ago to covid. She is having the hardest moving forward. Any exercise you have to help her in my session would greatly be appreciated. Thank you.

    Ka

  2. There is a song 🎶 Weary Traveler 🧳, by Jordan St. Cyr. My faith is my comfort and this song brings me great comfort.

  3. This is very helpful, both your practice and focus and the words of O’Donohue. I lost my father recently, too. I have reached a point where I can welcome his presence in all the best of who he was – love. His love,
    when I need the reminder, is steadfast and present. It also helps me to be reminded of what he would say were he with me in this moment – that I am loved; that his life was more than enough; that I ought not be sad or feel lacking. Abundance – it was, and still
    Is.

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